Thanks to Corona, lipstick is now obsolete

By LIZ KING,

I never knew that I was almost deaf, until I started wearing a mask.

Turns out, that I’ve been reading lips all along. I don’t know what anybody’s saying anymore. I just nod & go on about my business.

I still can’t figure out why I have to remove it, in order to hear somebody on the phone, as well. But I do.

This self discovery occurred at work the other day. The phone was continuously ringing, and I struggled to understand every word from the other end. In my defense, though.... if you think comprehension through a mask is difficult, try understanding the muffled words, emerging from a masked person, on the phone. It was like being the student of Charlie Brown’s teacher.

‘Do y’all have oranges?

’ ‘Oranges?’

‘Yeah, yeah. Oranges. The fat, juicy ones.’

‘No, we have orange juice, but no oranges’.

‘Okay, well I need some of ‘em. Make sure they fry ‘em soft’.

It dawned on me that they couldn’t understand me any more than I could understand them. I took a leap of faith, when I asked them if they wanted half a dozen, or a whole dozen. A dozen...fried soft. ‘A dozen oysters, fried soft. Got it’. I held my breath ( what little I had). ‘Yeah, yeah. And I want my oranges juicy, okay?’ ‘Sure thing, hun’.

As a wearer of glasses, there’s the issue of temporary blindness also. I now know, what it’s like, to have the starring role in The Fog... minus the paycheck, and soda pop endorsements.

Can’t see, can’t talk, and can’t hear. I’m reminded of the three monkeys; one sees no evil, the other hears no evil, while the third one speaks no evil.

Ora (love that woman)was cooking up a Philly Cheese Steak the other day, and I don’t know why... but I sneeze every time this popular food is put on the grill. Sneezing in a mask is downright disgusting, I assure you.

For a second... maybe two... I hoped to God, that I didn’t give myself the Rona. I will say this, though. A tube of lipstick should last a lifetime, at this rate. Lipstick and teeth whiteners are, downright obsolete these days. You could have half of a chicken leg, hanging out of your front teeth... who cares? You’re wearing a mask.

Fortunately though, for us ladies, eyebrows came back in style... just in time.

Hey, it is what it is, so we might as well find some droplet of humor in this humorless situation. Keep smiling... even if nobody knows that you’re smiling. And when the going gets tough, stick your tongue out. Nobody will know that either.

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