Years ago I read an interview with Charlton Heston, who was an actor in Planet of the Apes. I have written about this before. Obviously his observation stuck with me. The cast coming together had all been good friends in the movie industry and were excited about working together. However, after a period of shooting, the gorillas ended up eating together at lunch apart from the orangutans and humans in the movie as well. A type of natural grouping was formed that disappeared soon after the shooting wrapped up.
It seems to be an inherent part of human nature to form groups based on certain boundaries that may be built by actual fence posts or simply psychological understandings of a person's role. My own neighborhood is divided in half by a small lake, and I often joke about the way our neighbors seem to remain in those groups when we all come together as a community. Everyone is happy and friendly, yet it is a type of comfort thing which naturally occurs.
I have been thinking about this analogy a great deal lately, finding myself in that season of life that seems to be a very hot topic among many I have come across lately who are also in their "middle ages." The role we play as a child toward adults is clearly taught in the south. The role we play as parent with our children is as well. The role we play with extended family and with the community wavers very little as life waxes and wanes. And then comes that time when the roles all begin to overlap and clear waters become muddy.
The once child is now an adult with aging parents and adult children having children. As many have privately discussed with me after reading some of my posts, making the right decisions for elderly parents can become a constant guessing game. One friend going through this recently said to me, "It seems I am going to feel guilty no matter what I do."
The flip side of that coin is juggling with the other hand those children you raised so well who are now beginning to raise children of their own. The balancing act of being the support, being the foundation, but remembering your place in those muddy waters flowing through life gets tough.
I have been reading a great deal lately and talking to experts in family counselling to help continue to keep my wonderful family progressing with healthy boundaries. There are no easy answers short of prayer and attempts at healthy communication. With this in my prayers the other night, I had the strangest dream. I was in a boat with my family that was supposed to be a swamp tour that quickly became out of control and was flying down these open waters. I panicked. My 2 year old grandson was in the front seat with my son, and I was in the back. My son was not 34 in the dream but also a kid himself, so I kept trying to tell him to hand me the baby. He was then no longer the 10 year old kid, but the grown man he is today. And he said, "You raised me. I got this."
Those dreams that are so real that I wake up looking around the room always keep me thinking over coffee. Maybe it is only our perspective that gets muddy. The seasons of life have always been and will always be the same. Change is never easy, and yet there is not a single day anyone of us have not faced change in some tiny or great way. It is not about balance or boundaries but perspective and the willingness to hand it over to the greater plan.
