Years ago when first starting out as basically kids having kids, we tried many options to financially get on our feet.
Having two sons in the first three years, it became obvious that as college students we would not be able to both work and make enough money to afford childcare. So, we decided I would go to work for a daycare that allowed my one- and two-year-old to attend free if I managed the two year old class.
It seemed like a great idea at the time. That is until the entire six months I spent at the facility my two sons stayed sick. I was either bringing them to work sick, or taking off work because they were sick, or spending what I was making at the doctor's office or on medicine. There was no way we could make things work unless I came home and continued taking one college class at a time at night to finish up. We put our whole focus on my husband's career until we could both have a career. And by then our youngest boys were in the fifth grade.
This column is not to address what I feel a family should do in those early childhood years. It is to acknowledge the insurmountable pressure women face in the attempt to be all things to all people in today's society. What worked for us was survival. It had to be so well planned that my husband would take out cash after paying our bills and divide it into four envelopes --- each to last one week. If there was extra at the end of the week, we could splurge. That seldom happened, but it was so exciting when it did.
I would shop for all the sales and make my grocery list and menu for the week. When I wrote out the check, I already knew exactly what the amount would be and still prayed the check went through. It was a frustrating time, but one that taught us a great deal about appreciating the small things in life.
Having reminisced on our past, I can honestly say I doubt what we did would have worked in today's economy. I am not sure that even shopping sales would help cover the rapidly increasing cost of food. Gas prices, the cost of electricity, even water is high.
Couples are waiting longer and longer to start a family for this reason. And women are being spread thin more than ever before. This is a problem for our country. Families are a load-bearing beam in our society. Having worked in education for twenty years after my children were older, I gained firsthand evidence on the importance of having strong healthy families to support a community.
Take all of that and put it on the shoulders of a woman trying to work, be a wife, be a mother, and manage some occasional downtime. The title of this column occurred to me the other day when I was looking at some renovations we made to the old house we remodeled. There was one wall that I wanted to move but I could not because it was a load-bearing beam. The carpenter explained that it structurally held up the house.
Watching my four daughters-in-law struggle with this issue in today's economy it seemed the perfect metaphor. I don't have an answer, but I certainly would like to pose the question: As a society why are we creating a world that cannot sustain a load-bearing wall?
Something to think about.
