Ephesians 5:21-33
For some couples, marriage is one of the greatest blessings in their lives, while for others it is the greatest curse; and then there are those who are in between the blessing's and the cursing's. Where are you in your marriage? Why are you there? Lord willing today we will look at a marriage according to the Scriptures. When the Scriptures are obeyed everyone reaps the benefits. I also want to point out that everyone needs biblical marriage counseling. When obeyed it is beneficial.
It is certain that you cannot control someone else's heart. You cannot make someone else do right. You cannot make someone else be the best spouse in the world. The only person you can control is yourself.
You can do right. You can be the best spouse in the world, even if you think you have the worst spouse in the world. If the husband and the wife are striving to be biblical, they will reap from these labours. Let us see what the bible says.
"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God," Ephesians 5:21. "Submitting" in this verse means to submit oneself, to be subject, to be obedient. Look back at verses 17-21. Notice the will of the Lord is that we would be controlled by the Holy Spirit. When we are we see the results through chapter 6:9. The husband and the wife are to be subject to one another. They are to submit to the needs of each other. He is to treat her like his queen, and she is to treat him like her king. She is not to think of herself as a queen, and he is not to think of himself as a king. Again, this is how they are to treat each other. If each one is treating each other like royalty, then they will both be serving one another. They will be meeting each other's needs. Neither will be saying, you serve me, but instead they will be saying, how can I serve you. This is selflessness. Are you living like this? I didn't ask if y'all are living like this, but are you living like this? See, you can look at your spouse and say, you aren't treating me like a queen or a king. If that is the case, then you have missed the whole point. How are you treating your spouse? Remember, you cannot control other people.
Submitting does not come naturally to us. We naturally rebel, and we naturally want to be served. In serving each other, we must also strive for each other. This means we are not in competition with each other. We hold each other up. We encourage each other. We are on the same team. We pray with and for each other. We also quickly forgive each other. When doing marriage counselling, often the root of the problem is unforgiveness. Someone did or said something that the other will not forgive. Unforgiveness drives a wedge between couples. Unforgiveness turns into hate. Forgive quickly. Unforgiveness will cause you to say and do things that you will regret later. You will not strive for each other, and you will not submit to each other. This wedge that is driven can only be driven by you. Each time you drive it, it hurts you. Stop driving the wedge. You may say your spouse is driving the wedge. Only you can drive your own wedge. Remember, you cannot control other people. Pray that the Lord not only changes your spouse, but that He also changes you. You aren't perfect.
We are to submit ourselves in the fear of God. "Fear" in this verse means the fear of God or the Lord meaning a deep and reverential sense of accountability to God or Christ. We are held accountable for our actions, not the actions of others. Remember, to be subject to one another means we are meeting each other's needs by putting our own needs last. Lord help us.
The bible gives us clear and direct instructions on our roles in the next 12 verses. Let us get into them. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord," Ephesians 5:22. This verse is specific to who, wives. This word "submit" is the same word from the previous verse and has the same meaning; to submit oneself, to be subject, to be obedient. Wives, the bible commands you to submit to your own husband. When the husband and wife are outside of their biblical roles you will find problems in the marriage. There has been a push for one hundred years in America for women to lead in the home, and for the man to be submissive. There has been a role reversal. If any of you are getting upset because of this then it is obvious that you have been influenced by the feminist movement. We are taught that it is degrading for a woman to submit to her husband, yet this is exactly what the Scriptures say. To not do this means you are rebelling against God. Your marriage will show it. When you obey the Scriptures, it is honouring and glorifying the Lord, and your marriage will show it.
The bible goes on to say, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing," Ephesians 5:23-24. Ladies, this is not easy. Actually, this is contrary to everything that is in you. This is why you are dependent upon the grace of the Lord to live for the Lord. You cannot and you will not do this of your own power. If you are not submitting, you are not treating him as your king. The result is that you will not be full of joy, and you will end up resenting your husband. Wives, please be biblical.
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it," Ephesians 5:25. Husbands, your wife is to submit to you, but you are to love her like Christ loved the church, even if she does not submit. Your wife is not a rug, and she is not a trophy that you put on the shelf. She is your queen. Your love for her surpasses everything else except for your love for Christ. If you truly love her you will treat her like a queen. You will serve her. You will seek to meet her needs. Your love for her is lasting, longsuffering, and unchanging. Your love for her grows each day. You do not put her down, in any way, but instead, you build her up. She is your help meet. She is the one by your side through the ups and downs. She knows your imperfections, yet she still loves you. Lead her closer to the Lord. Again, she is your queen. Husbands, how are we doing?
All of us need help in these areas, all the time. Obviously, there is much more that could be said on this subject. Books upon books have been written about marriage. The Scripture really makes it plain and simple. Ephesians 5:33 sums it up, "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." When we examine ourselves by the Scriptures, how are we doing? Is our marriage biblical? Am I a biblical spouse? Lord help us.
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To God be the glory.
